#idk. so much would just track better if that had been mal

[bitchfitch]

Ok. people who've finished the SOTE dlc. That should have been Malenia right? the way Miquella talks about his lord consort is the same language the game's used to refer to Malenia in the entire base ER experience. right down to him calling his consort his blade

like. I'm not insane, that feels like someone wrote and planned this entire rot, blood, and horns themed main path for the DLC, and then someone else said "you can't lock the dlc behind a supper hidden optional boss who only a third of players have ever cleared. no one's going to buy that"

[speakyskelly-1999]

okay so

kill la kill

i watched kill la kill when i was 15 and i loved

i rated it a 9 on mal

it was the show that got be back into anime

(i initially watch one good show and then quite a few mid ones and so stopped watching for a while and then when this came to netflix i watched it and afterwards cowboy bebop and well the rest is history)

becvause i liked it so much and because it had a good reputation, my friend who was getting into anime tried it

and she hated it

it's so far the only anime she dropped

she subsiquently asked me why i liked it so much and then told me to watch it again now and erm

yea it's not aged well

as a side track

i like to say i have a good memory and i do. most media i can recall pretty easily. the main factor on recal being how long it's been since i watched something, and even then if i start rewatching a thing i can often remeber how the rest of it will pan out after watching a small percentage of it

with that in mind i did only watch the first episode and scan through the rest of the series so this "rewatch review" (honestly i can't even really call it that, let me know if you think i should re watch it properly and give my full thoughts on it) is gonna be far from perfect but like enough for what i'm going for

oh and spoilers from this point on

so for my previous memory of the show i love mako, ryuuko, and satsuki and on looking at it again i remembered how much i liked ira. i think all thoes characters fun and i still like them. i don't think i really have any issues with them. the music girl and the tech guy are two characters in my mind that i remeber liking somewhat but finding issues with them but i don't remember what. the other thing i really like from it was the dumb plot twist of clothes are an alien race trying to ensalve humanity by (and i think this is right i could be wrong. reading has always been difficult for me and, while i've improved over the years, i can still miss a lot of plot stuff when they suddenly dump it on me in anime. note of i watch mainly subs which is why i struggle. i tend to not like dubs) getting people to ware clothes. i also really liked how vibrent the show was and again on scanning through it again i remembered the really cool stills and artistic choices they made.

and i think thats were the positive part of this "retrospective" ends

erm yea so i think even as a kid i was initially weirded out by how little ryuuko wore but when they explained 'oh more the skin you show the stronger you are' i just accepted it and hell i was 15 and most of the characters were 15 i just let it wash over me. NOW THO man it makes me feel really uncomfy. and like i'm somewhat desensities to this stuff cos, lets be real here folks, anime can have quite a bit of that kind of stuff. either depending on when it came out or it's genre, writers, intended audience etc. but like ryuuko is initially really uncomfortable showing this much skin. and like i know she comes to accept it, and as a teen i just accpeted that she was fine with it, but Now i'm like she should never have had to accept that, she's FITHTEEN.

AND IT REALLY DOESN'T HELP THAT SENKETSU IS TOO INTO IT. like i get that he's trying to make her stronger and he wants to eat her blood or whatever. but like it's so weird. i think as a kid i just chose to ignore it/became desencitised to it/could read it properly but i did also not like him. so much so that i forgot he could fucking talk, hell was even sentient, till i rewatch the first episode. like if senketsu was a woman it would have been better. NOT BY MUCH, but idk it feel a little more bearable to me now if i was gonna rewatch it.

i don't even really want to mention ryuuko and satsuki's mother. can i just not think about it. she was disguysting to me as a kid and i hated her and what she did to not only ryuuko, satsuki, her husnabd and the pink girl (what the fucks her name nui) has always started with me (even if the exact details of what she did from my memory vary from charcter to character) and i'm glad she died. i'm not gonna go into wwhat she did and the order of characters is not in an order of which thing is he to them i find most ogreegous. i just. imma move on i can't deal with that bitch

what else... oh yea i forgot how pervy mako's dad brother and dog is towards ryuuko. that sucks.

there are other reasons that it now just kinda makes me uncomfortabnle. again i might rewatch it to get my full thoughts on it but like idk if i should. let me know if you think i should comit to the bit

but like so now

now i don't know what to do. it's had been one of my favoruites fro ages and it was like the first one i put on my mal favorites list. i had to take it of cos like it can no longer hold that placxe in my heart now cos it makes me feel icky. it sucks re watching a show and thinking it's not that bad, my was a little weird in places but shows from then were like that, and then finding out it's so much worse than you remember.

whats really bezarre is that i don't know if i can recomend itanymore. like the my friend who watched and dropped it can handle like wierd scenes, some nudity, darker topcis, the works. i can handle a little less than them but still a lot (liike i watched the worse parts of elfen leid before stopping and that was beceuase it was doing all these things with nothing to say about it. it was just to be edgey) but this just both of us just feel so aaaaah now

i think watching it at 15 and having thoes 5 years of really likeing it was fine. like i think 15 is probaly the only age i could have watched it at for me to enjoy it as much as i did. i'll still hold ryuuko, mako ans satsuki in my heart as i really liked their charcters (hell ages ago i considered getting ryuuko and satsuki's figures in their normal school uniforms, or the ones in the last end credit scene when everything is hunky dory again. NOT and i repeat NOT their fighting outfits) but ultimatly the shows not aged well and even for the time they should have made from different creative choices

[bordeleaubeau]

idk you yet - luke hughes (part one)

wc: 2830

warnings: probably a few curses, i honestly can’t really remember:)

inspired by idk you yet by alexander 23.

---

how can you miss someone you’ve never met?

the words forming on luke’s arm startle him at first. there’s a tingling tickle-like feeling as each letter appears, but luke can barely believe his eyes. he was just about to turn seventeen and until that moment he had no sign of his soulmate whatsoever. but now? now he had proof on his arm that his soulmate was out there somewhere. that meant the boys could finally stop teasing him in the locker room about possibly not having a soulmate. 

it felt like everyone around luke knew their soulmate was out there. it was such a rare possibility that someone didn’t have a soulmate - if their soulmate passed away, chances are they would too due to the pain from the loss. and, well, luke hadn’t died yet, so that was his only hope of his soulmate being out there.

the initial shock is soon replaced by pure adrenaline. luke can barely pay attention to what ever mrs. clemmens is writing on the board; all he can focus on is writing back to his soulmate. whoever she might be. 

i don’t know you yet, but i need you. do you know how long i’ve waited to hear from you?

you’re smiling down at your arm - it was always a game whenever you’d finally be able to contact your soulmate. some were able to as soon as their fifteenth birthday, some couldn’t until their eighteenth. and well, if you hadn’t contacted them by then, there was some bad news to be delivered. but it was all a waiting game. the day you were able to contact them was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, but there was only one catch: your soulmate could be thousands of miles from you.

and what about me with you?

“mr. hughes!” 

luke’s attention snaps to the front of the classroom, where the middle aged woman now has her hands on her hips staring at one of her best pupils. luke’s eyes are wide, the color draining from his face as each head of his classmates turn to look at him.

“care to share what’s gotten you so smiley, luke? or will you pay attention to my lesson for at least three seconds?” luke sputters for a few seconds, causing the woman’s eyebrows to spike up in question. “out with it.”

“i’ll, i’ll pay attention, mrs. clemmens.” the brunette finally manages to get out, sinking back in his seat. the color returns to his face, but this time it’s the same shade of red as the apple on mrs. clemmen’s desk. he didn’t want to leave her hanging, but he wasn’t going to risk getting in trouble again. he wasn’t going to out himself for finally finding his soulmate - and being one of the last in his grade to do so.

luke feels his phone vibrate in his sweatshirt pocket, and upon just the right moment he pulls his phone out to see tyler had messaged him.

tyler b: were you finally able to talk to her? 

luke isn’t able to respond to tyler in fear that mrs. clemmens will have a few words for him, and surely enough he didn’t need to get into any more trouble with one of his teachers. one more write up and he was going to be benched for an entire month. so against his better judgement, he sticks his hands in his pockets and pays attention to the lesson going on. all while trying to ignore the tickle feeling on his hand.

“i can’t believe you were finally able to talk to him!” mal gushes, her eyes glued to your arm that had a mix of jet black and purple ink scrawled on it. there was game @7 written on your hand in purple ink, along with a star next to it. “how do you think tyler is going to react?” 

your heart nearly drops in your chest. tyler. your boyfriend - of almost a year, in fact. in the midst of it all you seemed to of forgotten about him, your mind elsewhere, and it was on your soulmate. your soulmate that wasn’t him. 

“i have to tell him, don’t i?” you look up at your best friend, eyes glossier than they had been seconds before. “mal, i dunno, i dunno if i can do that. tyler is- he’s so sweet. he’s gonna be crushed.”

“who’s gonna be crushed?” 

speak of the devil. 

tyler drops his bag on the floor, sitting down in the seat next to you like he always did in english class. mal notices the slight tension, turning back to face forward in her seat as she waits for class to begin. you take a quick breath, turning to your boyfriend, you grasp both of his hands in yours. “ty, i have to tell you something.”

tyler’s eyes glance down to your wrist, and only the slightest bit is showing from the sleeves of your sweater riding up, but he sees it. the black ink. “anything, y/n.” he clears his throat, pretending like he hadn’t seen anything at all.

“you’re not my soulmate.”

“i know.”

your eyes widen ever so slightly, and you watch as tyler slides up the sleeve of his hoodie. there are a few little sentences scrawled on his skin, ones that were clearly not on yours. you can’t quite find the words to say. your mouth opens and closes a few times before finally, you’re stumped, and you sit back in your seat with your eyebrows furrowed. you let go of his hands, your own falling into your lap. 

“how long?” you finally manage to muster out, meeting his regretful eyes. he had reassured you multiple times that he hadn’t heard from his soulmate yet, but you should’ve gone against your better judgement when he was suddenly wearing long sleeves all the time. and it wasn't just for the winter, you now realized. 

“about, about three months.” he notices the look on your face, and just like moments before he takes your hands in his. “y/n, just because you aren’t my soulmate doesn’t mean i never loved you. i still do love you. i just-”

“it’s okay, i get it.” you cut him off, pulling your hands away from his. “it’s okay, ty. i just wish you would have told me sooner, that’s all.” your voice trails off to a whisper. tyler grabs your hand once more, and he presses a kiss to the back of it. 

“friends?” he asks, and when you nod your head, he presses another kiss to your skin before releasing his hold on your hand. you have to swallow the lump that’s forming in your throat. of course you were upset - you had every reason to be. but you weren’t expecting to be this upset, and you also weren’t expecting tyler to say he already knew the two of you weren’t soulmates.

the english period seems to drag on and on, and after what feels like two hours the bell rings. “walk with me to lunch?” you hear the brunette next to you speak, and you find yourself nodding. “y/n/n, please, talk to me. i hate when you’re mad a me.”

“i’m not mad at you, ty. i promise you that. i just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.” tyler gives you a tight lipped smile, and before the two of you can start to walk to the cafeteria, tyler pulls his hoodie off, revealing his inked arm. it’s a pang to the heart, but you know that you’ll get over it eventually. “what’s she like?” you ask quietly, the two of you starting the few minute trek across the school.

“she’s, she’s really nice. she’s pretty, too. i follow her on instagram, actually. her name is gabby.” tyler glances over at you a few times as he speaks, and you can only find yourself to be nodding along to his words. “i know she’s my soulmate and all, y/n, but she isn’t you.”

you stop in your tracks, causing tyler to turn around to look at you. “don’t. don’t say that. she’s your soulmate, and i’m not, for a reason, tyler boucher. don’t say that about her. i’m sure she’s lovely, and she’s everything that i can’t be for you.”

“i’m sorry i just-” tyler cuts himself off with a sigh, going to reach for your hand but he stops halfway. “i wanted it to be you. i thought it was you. and then one day, i had writing on my wrist, and i looked at yours and it wasn’t there. i know that’s supposed to be one of the happiest days of our life, but it was one of the worst for me. because i wanted it to be you, y/n. so bad.”

to say the least, the two of you were pretty much the ‘it’ couple. your entire friend group adored you both, and you were the first girl that the boys allowed over when they all hung out - but only occasionally. it was never an all the time thing, which you understood. but still, you and tyler had been through a lot together for not even being together a year. 

“it all happens for a reason,” you say, tears welling up in your eyes as your feet start moving again, and tyler is following after you, quickly matching your pace. “i just, i don’t know, tyler. there’s not much we can do about it and that’s fine.”

“you’re right.” the brunette mumbles, head hanging in despair as you walked down the steps to go into the cafeteria. the rest of the walk between the two of you is silent, but a comfortable one.

the lunch table you, tyler, all of the boys, mal, and a few other girls came into view. and as soon as they realized tyler wasn’t wearing his sweatshirt and his arms were fully exposed, along with the pen ink and the looks on your faces, they all knew. they knew that you finally knew.

the conversations going on didn’t completely stop, but they quieted down for a few brief moments when you and tyler took your usual seats. you try to avoid the eyes of your friends, but it’s nearly impossible. your eyes catch luke’s, and he’s giving you the puppy dog eyes from the other side of the table.

“are you okay?” he asks quietly, and all you can do is shake your head ever so slightly. “oh, y/n.”

luke wants to reach across the table and grab your hands, but he wants to save himself from the teasing he’s sure he would get from the boys if they saw the girly handwriting on the back of his hand. “i’ll be alright, lu. promise.” you give him a reassuring smile, but of course he doesn’t believe it. not in the slightest.

“are you still gonna come to our game tonight?” tyler asks quietly from your right side, and when you turn to look at him he’s already looking down at you. if this was yesterday, you would’ve leaned up the three inches and kissed him.

“of course i’m gonna.” you say, eyes glancing down to his lips but you quickly turn away to look down at your hands. “there’s no where else i’d rather be, ty. besides, luke is still my best friend and i still have to support him.”

luke sends you a smile from across the table, one that makes you smile right back at him. for majority of the lunch period, everyone leaves you alone to wallow in your own sadness. even luke couldn’t cheer you up, and that was something. you know you shouldn’t be this upset - this happened to like, every couple that dated before finding their soulmate. but for some reason you thought you and tyler were the exception. 

another period drags on, and after what feels like forever you find yourself getting up from your designated lunch spot. luke stands, waiting for you to walk to the other side of the table so the two of you can go to art class together. “see you boys tonight,” you call over your shoulder, tearing your eyes away from tyler, and walking away hearing the boys responding saying they’ll see you later that night. 

“rant. cry. do whatever you have to do.” luke says, glancing over at his best friend that looks like she could burst into tears at any moment. luke had been waiting all day to tell you that he had finally heard from his soulmate - but as soon as he saw the look on your face he held back. he didn’t want to rub it in when you had just found out about tyler. the biggest secret he had ever kept from you.

“i just,” you purse your lips, eyes locked straight forward to avoid looking at him. “i just wish he would’ve told me. the last few months of our relationship feel like a complete lie.”

“y/n, tyler absolutely adored you. he still adores you. he never even stopped. and i can tell you for a fact that he still loves you. he’s always talking about you - he was talking about you when we were in second period today!” luke exclaims, and finally you look over at him. “i can promise you, y/n, it was not a lie, it never was.”

you can only shake your head, bottom lip between your teeth as the tears well up in your eyes. “it was supposed to be him, lu. ty and i have talked about our entire future together because we swore we were gonna end up being soulmates.”

“maybe you are soulmates,” luke says, holding open the door of the art room for you. “it’s just, not in the way you’d prefer. ty and you are soulmates, but just not romantically. do you get what i’m saying?”

“i guess.” you sigh, luke following into the classroom after you walk in. his heart yearns for you - he wants to lift up his sleeve and show you the purple ink, but he can’t bring himself to do that. 

later that night you find yourself getting ready for tyler and luke’s game, trying to decide between the 13 or the 6 jersey - jerseys the two boys had fought numerous times over which one you would wear. once tyler found out luke had given you one of his old jerseys he had outgrown, he was immediately giving you one of his as well. that was even before you and tyler were dating - he always had the biggest crush on you.

which was why he was sitting in his stall, head in his hands wondering where he had went wrong.

“ty, buddy, what’s going on?” dylan asks, noticing the brunette that has his head hung. immediately, tyler lifts his head and dylan’s eyes widen. “you look like shit, dude.”

“i feel like shit,” tyler grumbles, slowly moving to tie the laces of his skates that he always saved until the very end of gearing up. he catches a glimpse of the ink on his arm and he grimaces, wishing he could just wiped away at his skin and everything would disappear. that everything would be okay.

luke catches the eyes of his best friend and he frowns seeing the hurt in his eyes. “are you still upset about y/n?” he asks cautiously, fingers working at his laces, eyes barely glancing back up to tyler.

“yeah, i am actually. i know i don’t really have a right to be upset and all, but it still feels wrong. we went through a lot together, it just doesn’t feel real that we aren’t really soulmates. that the .  girl i was practically in love with since i got here isn’t my soulmate.” tyler shakes his head as he spills his feelings for the day out. he couldn’t wait until he got to step onto the ice and forget about the day’s events.

until he saw you sitting in your normal seat, and instead of the number 13 jersey, you were wearing the one with the 6, and the seven letter last name on the back was now one letter shorter. 

“oh fuck me,” tyler grumbles, and you’d be lying if you said your heart strings didn’t tug seeing him step out onto the ice. if the two of you had only been dating for two months rather than almost a year, maybe you would’ve felt different about the situation. but that was tyler. your tyler. or rather, gabby’s tyler now.

“y/n?” bella asks from besides you, trying to tear your sad eyes away from the brunette. when you finally do and look over at one of your best friends, she sees your teary eyes and her face softens. “oh, y/n/n. you’re taking this hard, aren’t you?”

“i don’t want my soulmate if it isn’t tyler.”

[retvenkos]

so, i’m just— are we ever going to address the problem of mal???

(spoilers for ruin and rising and king of scars under the cut!)

and no, i’m not talking about his attitude or his choice of tattoo, i’m talking about his sheer existence.

because i don’t think we talk enough about the fact that mal quite literally died and was somehow resurrected with little explanation. at some point, they try to explain it away by saying that because he was an amplifier, he has two lives, but that’s just cheap. when has that ever been the case for any other amplifier?

we even know two other human amplifiers that didn’t have this mercy! baghra was a human amplifier and when she sacrificed herself, she was dead. she didn’t get a second life. and the darkling was another human amplifier, and to get him to come back to life, we had to have a full on ritual. it was an arduous task, and even if it was made possible because of his second life, mal never got a ritual. there is no reason why he should be alive.

it doesn’t make sense that mal is the exception because he’s a human and has two untrained corporalki friends who aren’t even healers.

and let’s talk about who saved mal real quick, because while i love tolya and tamar, they are untrained heartrenders. they’re ability to mend wounds is at most passable, by virtue of their order and the fact that they’ve never been properly trained.

furthermore, resurrection has never been a heartrender power! even trained heartrenders can’t do it! they’ve been able to make some impressive saves, sure, but they can’t bring people back to life. that’s the power of merzost, which, tolya and tamar most definitely don’t know how to use.

(although if miss leigh bardugo ever wanted to say that they somehow used it because.... i don’t know.... the saints in the fold somehow possessed them at that moment, it would make more sense than the explanation we got. she could say that... idk sankta lizabeta knew she was going to need mal alive to fully resurrect the darkling so she saved him. even that level of suspicious foresight would make more sense.)

and let me just state this once again: mal was not mortally wounded - mal was dead. he died. in order for an amplifier to work, you have to kill it. you can bond with with an amplifier and your memories can become one once you’ve killed it, but the amplifier never gets to chill out in its body again because the body died, and it’s power is now yours.

by all accounts, mal was dead and his power belonged to alina. alina didn’t do the psychic bond because she didn’t know it was a thing, and therefore, mal is gone in that sense too. his memories aren’t one with alina, his body is dead, and his power has been transferred to alina.

but hey! miss leigh bardugo wants him to be alive (even though he still died)! fine. chill. cool.

cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

then maybe, just maybe, we could talk about mal living a half life? this one is more on the fandom than miss leigh bardugo, since he doesn’t show up much in the later books, but i hear all this talk about how traumatic and wrong it was for alina to lose her powers (which i’m not arguing with), but then people turn around and say that it’s not as traumatic for mal.

which, on one hand, i understand. grisha power is very much connected the wellbeing of grisha. when not using her power, alina felt like a husk of a person. mal’s ability to ~uwu track animals~ is not on the same level......................... maybe.

now hear me out, please.

mal has literally never been without his amplifying powers. even when underground, there were animals, and even if there weren’t animals, there were people (and grisha) around him. there was literally never a case in which his powers could have gone unused because they were connected to sensing life, which you are never without... unless you’re dead.

we have no idea how it affected mal to lose that. he could feel just as lifeless.

also, mal has to cope with the fact that he quite literally died. i don’t know about you guys, but i feel like resurrection could be pretty traumatic. especially when that resurrection has you coming back without a substantial part of you - mal’s world doesn’t hum with life the way it used to. that’s a pretty dramatic change. and it never gets addressed in his pov! the most we get is the infamous line that “the boy and girl had both known loss,” and people ream on that line because “mal doesn’t know loss like alina.” but literally how do we know that to be true? we don’t. 

mal never gets to share how he feels about this resurrection, so all we have is conjecture.

the only person we see deal with resurrection through their pov is the darkling, and while he doesn’t make a big fuss about it.... it’s the darkling. he’s lived for an eternity. his experiences are an outlier and shouldn’t be counted. he’s had an eternity of dealing with coming back to life (metaphorically). he’s had centuries filled with merzost to really desentize him to that whole process.

mal does not. he’s just your average 18-year-old boy. he literally died and was brought back to life my some kind of piss-poor deus ex machina [1]. i could not fathom that being my reality.

i think it's unfair of us to say that mal doesn’t know deep loss. if we’re tracking with the original material, mal had two lives inside of him, and now he has one. he is quite literally been halved.... just like alina.

whether or not you want to say their loss is equal or alina’s is worse is not what i want to argue. i don’t think you can really quantify loss - especially these kind of losses - but all i’m saying is that both underwent some very traumatic things, and i think it’s fair to say that “the boy and girl had both known loss,” and to say that mal deserves to be written about in depth in fics.

anyway, i don’t have a proper way to end this because i’m just..... ranting about how mal’s ending was piss poor and made no sense. (he should have died on the fold.) but yeah, i really wanted to talk about the problem of mal, and now i have. thank you for my soap box.

____________ [1] don’t fight me on my use of this term. the explanation given for bringing mal back to life is 100% a poorly done deus ex machina. an unexpected power - a trump card - that wasn’t explained before, and wasn’t used after, saves mal’s life simply so leigh bardugo doesn’t have both of her love interests die at the end of the series. simply to save the story from hopelessness. that’s a god move; that’s a deus ex machina if i have ever known one. and it’s poorly done because it’s never mentioned again and all the lore goes against it. furthermore, i use this qualifier because in my opinion, mal should have died on the fold. it would have been a better character ending, and if you want to hear more on that then head on over to this post by yours truly.

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

bittersweet netflix shadow and bone finale (s1 e8) rewatch; accoutrement: white wine with ice cubes in it (no YOU'RE a mom drink shh)

my wine's like fruity I love her

light and darkness title card we love to see it

Inej looking at Alina before she goes below deck to hide <3

okay that 'what can you really do on your own' was like not fun that shit hurted

okay but Jesper's 'not enough'? <3

oh no my baby Zoya's first inkling that Darkles does not really care

omg Helnik just appeared and I remembered how much heartbreak I have to face in this episode

gods I love Danielle as Nina so so much

'this can't be it' said she with her pleading smile with downturned eyebrows MA'AM I-

don't break my dumb little heart

I might hate Calahan's little accent but they're making me tear up

oh gods I literally cannot keep a hold on myself when Dani's accent bleeds through with full force, it's like she comes more alive or smth

'I will keep you warm' SIR WHAT-

I am surprised they showed a leaning in for a kiss so soon but I'm not mad about it

her little eyebrow twitch at 'what are waffles'

when that rando said 'i hunt slavers now' a dread settled into me because I knew what was about to go down

Matthias looking somberly at the stuffed wolf's head </3

I am so incredibly entranced by this exchange between Fedyor and Nina and what it represents, it's very interesting that they pushed up their storyline to match with the timeline

damn it's kind of jarring to be back in the Fold

'REMEMBER WHO'S DRIVING'??!!!! *you better stop* meme, *i am, disgusted* meme, *oh wow, oh wow* meme

Mal you fucking idiot you could never take the crows by surprise

the music rising as Kaz starts explaining his thought process, fucking perfection

haha Mal bitchass Inej caught you

'Because if he isn't with Kirigan's crew, he's with ours' WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED

'And why would we destroy the Fold? It's the greatest weapon we've got' valid point at the moment but you know I don't necessarily agree with your methods

the use of the light tunnel in the show instead of Alina just being a super flashlight in the books is quite an interesting addition as well

is this an inappropriate time to point out how pretty Ben Barnes is

okay I kind of love the depiction of the shadow powers okay sue me

'they are traitors who tried to kill you' why are you suddenly making valid points despite having kind of committed low scale genocide

'i never said I was smart' YES MAL BE THE VOICE OF HIMBOS EVERYWHERE

Kaz's face going from 'can you believe this idiot' at Mal to 'fuck me I'm gonna do the same thing aren't I' at Inej

'For who would oppose us now?' *himbo romantic rival appears out of nowhere and shoots at him* god I love this show

him standing calmly in his ridiculous all black attire after nodding at his soldier to stop the himbo in his tracks, i fucking can't

could she summon light without the Darkling making her after he put the collar on her until the uhm moment in the books? idts but in the show she can hmm

'only because I'm not in the game' you tell him Jesper

not me snickering at 'you'll be seen not as a saviour, but as a heretic' LMFAO

'Shame. I'll have to give that speech again now.' THIS SHOW IS A FUCKING COMEDY AND YOU CAN'T PROVE ME WRONG

YES LET'S FUCKING GO SULI SOLIDARITY

Darkles casually whipping the Cut out like a shuriken or a throwing knife at Jesper because he shot at him lmao I can't

INEJ FUCKING GHAFA STABBED ONE THE OLDEST AND MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THAT WORLD AND THAT IS VERY TELLING OF HER POWER

that moment where you actually think that affected him despite having read the books and watched the show

and then he has to go and fucking say 'it will take more than this' and I can't be help but be a little bit impressed at this old fool's resilience

throwback to when he said 'the king is a child' sir you make some valid points sometimes and it does make it difficult to hate you

I would just like to inform everyone that it is currently 6:09 am IST and I am sipping my second mug of wine while watching netflix sab for the second time instead of doing my three papers that are due tomorrow

I'm sorry but Inej jumping to check on Zoya after she gets knocked over by the volcra? first class display of solidarity and sisterhood as well as Inej's inherent kindness

Kaz jumping in front of a FUCKING VOLCRA AND STABBING IT WITH HIS CANE to save Inej, you best believe love is true, kids

god the volcra are so ugly and gross, they did such a good job with them

they kind of remind me of these creatures (I think they might have been called Hollows or smth) from the Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children movie

STAG VISION TIME

despite my dislike for the callous nature with which the stag plotline was handled, I kind of dig the stag vision scene

'It's just me and you now, Alina. And we're all we need, anyway.' I actually feel bad for this old fool simping for this wonderful gorgeous powerful woman despite lying to her and manipulating her and exploiting her power

okay 'I never needed you' *stabs the bone fragment out of his hand* beautiful power move I fucking love you so so much

alright ben looking like ✨ that✨ not only in physical pain but also emotional pain at what the Darkling clearly considers another betrayal from this girl he wants to give the world and maybe? loves? maybe? or at least has feelings for makes my fucking heart hurt while simultaneously soar at Alina taking back control and reclaiming her power as her own and stepping into her own

'how do you claim such power' okay could have had better dialogue there writers

the fucking score lifting as she says 'you cannot claim what was not given to you' good people my heart is full

one day I'll talk about my defense of the chosen one trope because god damn I kind of love it

hmm I wonder was that brief hesitation that we saw on Alina's face due to her thinking about the 'you chose to betray our people' comment or the 'i was trying to save us' comment because that will define some of her actions in the later seasons (hopefully god if we get some, I honestly don't know what with this stupid brownface debacle)

I'm not saying talking about brownface and pointing out that it is wrong (for further context, I am actually brown) and harmful is stupid btw I'm talking about the incidents involving brownface in question

I don't wanna talk about this anymore but I might feel like I need to and end up posting about it idk

goodness Ivan actually believing in this cause makes me so sad because he too has been victimized by the system that ostracizes Grisha and he has every right to feel the way that he does

Ben actually fighting in that ridiculously heavy cloak and kefta when he's about to turn 40 this year makes me super impressed because I as a 19 year old sometimes wake up with muscle pulls after weeks of inactivity it's weird idk

also I understand that this Mal Darkling fight is completely fanservice and serves nearly no purpose to the plot in general but like I? love it?

'I don't have to kill you Darkling. Your past will do it for me' YES HIMBO GO OFF YOU TELL THAT OLD MAN GODS THAT WAS SEXY AS FUCK

maybe it's because I know Darkles will survive and will come out of it more powerful but I can't get myself to feel bad for him at the moment

Inej and Mal tearing up at Alina's condition made me almost feel something despite it being super obvious she was gonna be fine and save their asses at the last moment

HER POWER

a solitary Kaz in spotted on the western side of the newly expanded fold in his signature all black emo boy look

okay but the crows with zoya and malina is such an adorable team? I literally love them so much?

INEJ'S FUCKING SMILE AT ALINA GIVING HER THE DAGGER AND KAZ LOOKING AT HER AGSGSGSHSJSJSK MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

SHE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO NAME IT WELL GIRLIE I KNOW IT TOO AND MY FUCKING HEART IS LITERALLY GONNA BURST

okay I know they had one interaction but Mal and Jesper would be besties in another universe

Kaz glaring at Jesper when he answers ''course not' to Alina's 'will you still be trying to kidnap me?' tell me one fucking adaptation that got the dynamics between characters this perfectly

okay why do I love that Alina kept the jewellery as maybe a small nod to she has the wits to, um, you know, I don't wanna say steal, but, um, yeah, steal it because she knew she would need money to survive on the run

oh Jessie I love you so much I wish you hadn't said those things on you ig story about the brownface

it's like every single celeb I grow attached to god's like nope that one is going to do or say something problematic (hey btw im not reassigning blame to god for stuff people have done out of their own free will, 'twas a joke)

AAAAAAAH them saying 'the deal is the deal' in the show even though they didn't have to but like they did and I love them for it

Inej literally not being able to not stare at Kaz's face and smile after this <3

'I didn't expect it to burn at all. But it can be destroyed in the end. Just like him' babe you're not wrong but like um just you wait

god Mal being on supportive boyfie mode is well, absolutely adorable, obviously, but I wish we got to see more of him as a person outside of his attachment to Alina

kaz my little demjin I wish you hadn't have had to suffer so much to meet the crows and find your calling

fastforwarding Zoya's arc is also an interesting choice to me

I wish the hug hadn't been done though, it didn't feel earned

maybe Alina awkwardly and half-heartedly (remember, at this point the alliance is fresh and they still don't entirely trust each other) reached for a hug and Zoya avoided her? and then the rest of Zoya's lines followed? that would have made more sense to me at least

I love Sujaya as well, she brought life into Zoya with whatever little screentime and scraps of writing she got

inej asking kaz 'what's your angle?' beep bop bleep morp I sense another incoming embarrassing love confession

'but we do need you' *stares at her face intensely* 'I need you' ah look at the clock, look's like it's time to screech and flap your arms like you're a volcra because you're incapable of containing your emotions

NO YOU CAN'T GO DIRECTLY FROM KANEJ PROGRESS TO HELNIK BREAKUP (TEMPORARY, MIND YOU)

helnik my loves you don't deserve this I'm so sorry for both of you

Matthias fucking smiling ruefully while he says 'this was... just a cruel joke all along' THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY

omg hellgate

AAAAAAAAH NINA IS ON THE SAME FRAME AS THE OG CROWS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

CAMERA PAN FROM KAZ SAYING 'JUST HOW THIS ALL STARTED... WE'RE GONNA NEED A HEARTRENDED' TO NINA OVERHEARING HIM AND LOOKING OVER?????!!!!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME?!

Nina genuinely being curious as to the status of the sun saint because she obviously still cares

Also, 'But she is a Saint' okay Kaz trying to earn brownie points you have succeeded

DID THAT SAILOR JUST SAY 'GOED MORGEN FENTOMEN' TO MALINA BECAUSE I AM NOT OKAY WITH THEM JUST THROWING THAT IN MY FACE ALL OF A SUDDEN

gods I know I'll probably see them again but my heart is full of sorrow as my eyes drink in the sight of my crows for the last time for a while

I know people were annoyed at the meadow flashbacks but guess what? as a darklina, I loved them

'now that the Darkling is dead' could have phrased that a little differently my dudes that line needed to hold more weight

am I glad that they showed Darkles in this state with his nichevo'ya as a tasty little cliffhanger despite not being entirely true to the source material? maybe but only because Ben Barnes saying 'follow' and the nichevo'ya doing exactly so sent a chill down my spine

well, that's it for now, I'll have to move on I guess, get back to my real life which I'm obviously not ready to do

thank you to whoever actually read these things

I probably should have just made reactions or commentary videos instead but I'm lazy

my tumblr will probably go into inactivity once more as I emerge from my stint in the grishaverse

it was quite short (less than 2 months), considering the length of my other obsessions but it was definitely more intense than the other ones

[six-of-woes]

The Clown and the Potato Sack (Aerin Valleros x MC)

Chapter 1/? : ...What Now?

Paring: Aerin Valleros x MC

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24533863

Word count: 2381

Summary: Now with the Dreadlord defeated and her friends out of Whitetower, Cassia Nightbloom, is bored. Extremely bored. She wants to do literally anything, but she doesn't know what. Her solution? Try to get some answers from a certain corrupt prince. Unfortunately, that leads to a wacky yet angsty adventure involving a potato sack, a wooden spoon, and A LOT of clowning around.At least she's doing something...right?

Authors Note: Hi so this is my first time posting fic on Tumblr so if I’m doing something wrong feel free to tell me just be nice about it because my ego is fragile Anyway! I hope you guys like it, I thought we clowns could use some content until book 2 comes out. Idk if i’ll ever continue this, i meant for it to be a one-shot but I couldn’t really get my whole plan into one chapter. So. Hopefully there’s more. No promises tho lol

@what-do-you-mean-theyre-evil @theclowneryqueen @findmeafterlife @0oi-io0 @thatgirlbuhle @mirabelle-choices @souhmhey @king-erzsebet @vlastomilsworm @diamonds-and-decorum @xsweetnspookyx

~~~

Cassia watched from the castle balcony as a raggedy caravan rolled out of Whitetower. They’re really gone now, she thought, turning her back on the city. There was a new kind of…emptiness inside her now that Mal, Nia, Tyril, and Imtura were all gone. Maybe they’d only known each other a few months, but to someone who barely had any family to call their own—it struck a certain chord with Cassia to see them go.

She sighed and noted the setting sun—her reminder that she should probably get to dinner. Not that Cassia wanted to spend yet another dinner answering the pointless questions of all those stuffy nobles, but she felt obliged to as Morella’s hero—at least until she figured out where she was going to go from here.

As Cassia walked through the towering corridors, she thought some more about where she wanted to go. Kade wanted to go back to Riverbend(but only after he’d exhausted the library), not in any particular mood to experience any more danger than he already had. Of course, Cassia couldn’t blame him. If she’d spent months in a realm of pure darkness being tortured, she would want at least a break as well.

But that was the thing: she hadn’t been in the Shadow Realm and she wasn’t like Kade. Cassia always thirsted for adventure and as much as she loved Riverbend, she spent twenty out of the almost twenty-one years of her life there. There was so much more out there and if her nightmare had any shred of truth, Cassia knew she had to be there.

But where? She’d already decided against going with any of the others when they left—Cassia’s injuries would make intense sailing with Imtura or any of what Mal had planned painful and difficult, and she wanted to give Nia the room to figure things out on her own. The idea that seemed most plausible for her was going undercount with Tyril. It would’ve been a prime opportunity to learn more about where she came from, after all. Yet…she still felt awkward going there—Cassia knew almost nothing of the elven societal cues and would feel a little useless when trying to help out Tyril with her duties.

She shook her head as she reached the doors of the dining hall. “Never mind all that.” She muttered. “I made my decision.”

“Finally!” Called a voice. “You had me thinking you were going to bail!”

Cassia looked up to see Kade, sitting on one of the corridor benches. He held a new book in his hand, different from the one Cassia had seen him reading at breakfast.

“Sorry,” she muttered, leaning against the closed doors. “Just wanted to make sure the others made it out of town safely.” She swallowed the knot in her throat and nodded toward the dining hall. “Let’s just get to dinner.”

Kade raised an eyebrow, but nonetheless followed Cassia into the hall.

When they entered, Cassia was surprised to see only King Arlan, Threep, and Loola sitting at the table. None of them looked particularly cheerful—not even Threep, who just stared at his dinner plate with a somber expression.

“Your majesty,” Cassia breathed, dipping into a curtsy. “It’s a pleasure to be in your���“

“Oh hush, Cassia,” Arlan said, shaking his head. “There’s no one else here and you’ve more than cemented yourself as a friend of the crown.”

Cassia coughed and straightened up. “Right…Is there any particular reason for the ah—grim mood and significant lack of nobles?”

Arlan cleared his throat and eyed the nespers. “Well…there’s news.”

Cassia felt her heart catch in her throat. News? It can’t have anything to do with what that hooded being said in my dream, could it? No, of course not. It was just a nightmare…right?

“Is something wrong?” Kade piped, eyebrows already creasing with worry.

The king shared a look with Threep and Loola, who looked back at Kade and Cassia.

“Aerin’s awake now,” Threep said, stretching his wings. “I saw him myself in the dungeons—he’s still very much corrupted, but—“

“He’s quiet,” Loola spoke. “All he’s done is hug his knees and stare at the wall.”

Kade scoffed. “Sounds to me like he’s scheming. Want me to punch him again?”

Cassia elbowed her brother (lightly) in the side. “I’m sure it’s fine. Even if he was scheming, there’s really nothing he can do. His cell is surrounded by guards 24/7, there’s a magical barrier around it, and besides, if for some reason he gets out—“ she gestured to the three weapons of legend she had strapped to her body. “I’ll have it handed.”

“Sure,” Kade said, rolling his eyes as he took a seat at the table. He went to drink from his goblet, but a playful smirk graced his lips. “You’re just saying that because you kissed him.”

Cassia grumbled as she took a seat next to Kade at the table. “We don’t have to keep bringing that up,” she whispered through gritted teeth. “That was like, a month ago—before he was you know—evil.”

“Whatever you say,” Kade taunted, still smirking as he took a sip from his goblet.

~~~

The rest of dinner was relatively low-key. Cassia filled Arlan in on what the others were going to do now that they were gone and Kade entertained them all with wild stories from the deep corners of his mind.

Once dinner was over, however, and Kade, Loola, and Threep all returned to their previous business, leaving Cassia to do as she pleased. Problem was, Cassia didn’t really have anything to do.

She found herself standing in the middle of the corridor for what was longer than considered usual—even for Cassia.

“Dammit!” She cried, hours later. “I’m bored as all hells!” In a fit of rage, Cassia kicked the solid gold leg of a nearby bench. Solid. Gold. Promptly after kicking it, Cassia let out a pained yelp and brought her foot up to her arms.

After a few more seconds of hopping on one foot and whisper-shouting an array of curses, Cassia collapsed onto the bench and buried her face in her hands.

“Gods…” she groaned. “I really need to get out of here and do something more dangerous than stubbing my toe.”

But, what was there to do? The most dangerous place Cassia could think of was the Nooks and Crannies—but the real danger was really the guards and Cassia wasn’t interested in picking fights with them right now. She and Mal had already informed Arlan of the corruption, there was no need to escalate a situation that was already under control.

She thought back to visiting them with Mal…and how they got out of their scuffle with the guards.

Unconsciously, Cassia ran her fingers over the ring Aerin had given her. She still hadn’t taken it off, even after the betrayal. It was a reminder of their night at the lake.

She let out another groan. There were so many things about that night that didn’t make sense. Why would he save the unicorn? Sure, it could’ve been to defy Baldur, but…the character he’d been playing didn’t seem like the kind to do that kind of thing. And besides—it was a living thing. Cassia kinda figured the shadow realm had a thing against them—as long as they weren’t a part of their little posse. So why? Why would he do it?

And as a matter of fact, why did he actually not not want to be with her when she “pretend” (as she liked to tell herself) flirting with him during the final battle? That was weird. For someone with such a cold and hardened heart he certainly seemed pretty open to still having her be with him. Were her seduction skills really that good?

Well, to be fair, she did seduce a giant bug. So maybe they were.

So many questions and no way to get answers. Unless…?

He’s awake. Cassia thought. You could go down there…I’m sure the guards would let us—a hero of the realm—go see him. Maybe you could get some answers. Only answers though. You don’t like him anymore, remember? He kinda tried to kill you and all your friends. Also tried to take of the world. So only answers. Nothing else.

She thought about it for a few minutes. No one other than the guards would have to know, right? Not Threep, not Loola, not Arlan or Kade…and especially not Mal. The snitch.

“Godsdammit,” Cassia groaned, looking up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe I’m this bored.”

And with that, she got up and headed toward the dungeons, against her better judgement, yes, but even if she didn’t want to admit it…

…Cassia was a horny bitch.

~~~

Aerin had been put at the lowest level of the dungeons, about four stories below ground. Why the castle need that many floors was beyond Cassia, but nonetheless, she continued her journey down. Down. Down. Down.

Aaaannnnd it turns out walking down stairs for what feels like an eternity is just as boring as standing in the middle of the corridor. Only difference is the corridor is WARM!

“Do you hear that?” Echoed a guard’s voice.

Cassia stopped in her tracks.

“Yeah. Sounds like footsteps. Probably Woodworth and Highmourn coming to relieve us early. Let’s just get going early, tonight’s my anniversary and I don’t want to have to make it up to the ol’ husband again.”

“What about the prince? Weren’t we given strict orders to not leave him alone?”

“Ack, who cares? I mean, look at him—what’s he gonna do, cry about it?”

There was a bout of hearty laughter followed by the clanking of armor. Thinking fast and remembering Mal’s trick, Cassia dodged out of the guards sight and held her breath until they passed. Once she was sure they were long gone, she sprinted the rest of the way down the stairs until she reached Aerin’s cell.

At first glance, it looked like any other cell—dark, damp, and decrepit. But when Cassia got closer, she could see the gold haze of the magical barrier keeping him in. Well, if nothing else, he should at least have a hard time getting out of that. Cassia thought, slowing down to a tip toe the closer she got.

Finally, she reached Aerin’s cell. Unsure if whether or not he was aware of her presence, Cassia just stared. He looked so small. Of course, before all of this, Cassia still had maybe a few inches on him, but then, he wasn’t absolutely helpless. He wasn’t wearing the brilliant red and gold suit he wore the whole time they knew each other, instead wearing a brown tunic and pants that looked more like poorly-stitched together potato sacks than actual clothes. Even in the dark, Cassia’s elven vision could see that he was still grey. Many of the dark veins had gone, but he was still very much corrupted by the shadow.

What do I even say to him? She thought, slipping the Gauntlet of Pain on and off her wrist. Obviously, I’m just here to get questions, so like, just ask him a question. Duh. Easy. Don’t make it awkward. It’s not like you kissed him or anything—oh wait.

“Ahem—“ Cassia started.

“—I already said, I don’t want any food, Highmourn. Now please, if both of you could shut up while I brood I would much appreciate it!”

Cassia coughed. “Sounds like somebody didn’t get their beauty sleep.”

Aerin gasped and whipped around, scowl deepening when he saw Cassia standing over him.

“What are you doing here?!” He spat, rising to his full height(which unfortunately for him, didn’t really look intimidating to Castalia). “Are you here to rub it in? To gloat? Where are all your friends? Am I just not worth their time?”

Cassia sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Calm down, Aerin. I’m not here to antagonize you—you’ve already done that enough—“

“—You just antagonized me! You lie!”

Cassia raised an eyebrow. “…And you’re a drama queen. I’m just here to ask you a few questions and I’ll be out of your hair.”

Aerin scoffed and turned his back to her. “What reason could I possibly have to answer to you? You won, Cassia. You got everything you wanted and I have nothing. Why do I have to give you anymore?”

A few seconds of silence passed. Cassia tried to deny how much that stung, but the tears that started to well up in her eyes proved otherwise.

“Fine,” she snapped, voice wavering. “I’ll only ask you one thing. Then I’ll leave you alone for the rest of your miserable life. Is that enough for you?”

Aerin’s shoulders hunched. “Only if it’ll get you to leave.”

“Alright.” Cassia’s hands balled into fists. “What happened?”

Her words echoed through the dungeon. Seconds passed where the only movement was that of the salty, salty tears rolled down Cassia’s cheeks.

Eventually, Aerin’s shoulders relaxed. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because you were my friend, Aerin. And I want to know why you could so easily go from someone sweet, kind, and compassionate to literally trying to take over the world.”

“Easy,” he spat. “I’ve been corrupted by the shadow court and had a damn good way of hiding it. Can you go now?”

Cassia sighed. “But that night at the lake…you saved that unicorn. If you had such a hatred for human life, why would you save it?”

“That’s more than one question.”

Gods, is this who he really is? Incredibly difficult?

“Fine,” she sighed. “I’ll leave. Have a nice life.”

Cassia wiped her face and turned to leave. Of course she wasn’t gonna get the answers she so desperately wanted. They were right there. What was the point of coming down there anyway?

“Wait!”

She stopped.

“I’ll tell you what happened, Cassia. But…it’s a long story.”

Cassia turned back around and saw Aerin, grasping the bars of his cell with the same vulnerable, hurt, look she remembered from the Deadwood.

She walked back over and took a seat on the ground.

“I have time.”

[johns-prince]

Idk one thing that makes me think that John was bi and definitely more attracted to males is this: Yoko said that John was into beauty and although she's full of shit and awful I believe her on this one. Before you rip me apart I really love Cyn and May, but if you really look at the women and the men in his life it's clear that John had a thing for boys. The guys he was the closest to were absolutely gorgeous ( Stu was stunning, Brian was handsome as fuck and Paul was beyond gorgeous ) /

Like I said I really love them so please don't take it bad but when you look at his women you can't really Say the same thing about them: Cyn and May were really average and Yoko well... Yoko definitely looked like a bloke, I agree with John. Now, if John was really into beauty, he would have find gorgeous women, but nope! Idk if you see what I'm talking about, but to me it's clear that he was into males' beauty, much more than women

Hi, I’ve decided to give a go at this lol I don’t think my response makes any bloody sense but I tried, apologies in advance anyhow.

While Yoko is extremely wishy-washy, fickle with shit she’s decided to say and share in interviews and such, there are certain things she’s said that hold some kernel of truth or we should at least take note of. It’s rather easy to know when she’s spewing literal horseshit from her mouth, while other times, she might be giving us some important insight, though those little tidbits of what we could consider relevant she always tried retracting [often because it doesn’t help her or their image much] 

Though I wouldn’t say I needed Yoko claiming both her and John were into beauty [I mean, we all kind of are, but I digress, I understand] to believe it, because, and let me be weird for like a second, John’s a Libra. They covet beautiful things. Beauty is just, part of their inherent likes, to admire beauty.

That and, being an artist, I’m sure he did have a thing for “beauty.” too.

Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder, subjective, all that philosophical jazz, but I understand what you mean.

I’m not going to rip you apart, because I hold a rather “controversial” opinion in regards to Paul’s wife Linda-- that is, we’re allowed to see these people contrary to what we assume the ‘bandom’ might push as the ‘’right/acceptable’’ and expected opinions.

We’re individuals, I don’t expect you to hold the same opinions, and I do enjoy hearing what people have to say as long as they’re clearly open, civil, friendly-like is always nice too. So, no, I shan’t rip into you lol 

I see where you’re coming from. 

For me, I find May very pretty, and I think Cynthia was pretty [cor that doesn’t really attest to if they were average pretty or not, I don’t know, but I can see why you see that, I do. I personally find Cynthia incredibly average looking, dare I say plain, when she was much younger, before doing her hair blonde and all that] But then again, compared to Yoko... well.

What Ronnie Hawkins said at the end of this interview, is the nicest way to put how I feel about Yoko in terms of her appearance;

“...what I couldn’t understand that he didn’t have about four or five of the most beautiful women in the world with him, because he could have.”

I know it might come off as insulting but it’s not like we were the one’s to say it first-- John was the one to say Yoko reminded him of a bloke in drag, so. 

I can’t say I’ve ever thought of it this way though, or took noticed like you did.

I think it depends. 

Dude clearly had a thing for drag queens and transvestites, even at an early age. 

I agree, many, most of John’s relatively close male friends were very attractive, very pretty, handsome; though there’s no 100% solid evidence that John felt any strong particular way towards Stu and Brian like he did towards Paul [that is, obviously something sexual happened between John and Brian, but I think that was mainly John experimenting and having the right sort of individual he could do so with, safely, and he might have pitied Brian in a way but, I don’t think he’d meant to hurt Brian or anything. I personally don’t agree it was a powerplay either] John indeed appeared attracted to, or at least drawn to, effeminate, feminine boys.

Not saying all his close male friends were effeminate, femboys [Pete Shotton, Mal Evans...] but I suppose we’re mainly talking about the individuals that, besides being “close”[I also think we could have a discussion of what it meant to be a close friend of John’s, because even if someone might’ve thought themselves close friends with John, they actually weren’t-- not many were; Paul was possibly the closest to close a male friend/relationship John could’ve had, besides Pete] have been rumored he’d had some sort of infatuation or tryst with, like Stu and Brian; Mick Jagger was a very pretty boy, those full lips and relatively soft features accentuated by the longer hairstyles of the 60s and 70s [whether you believe something happened between Mick and John is really up to you, I’m relatively neutral on it I don’t know, but there certainly was a lot going on during this [x] [x] [x] get together between them] and David Bowie is 100% an effeminate boy, and there had been this story, whether it’s true or not I don’t know so take it with absolutely a grain of salt, where a server or whoever caught note of a familiar pair of boots in a stall that belonged to John, David, but another pair of feet which could’ve been anyone, when at a party he’d attended with Yoko. Wish I could find the damn source for it [just another thing I wish I had cataloged better, damn me] 

Side note, I honestly believe John would’ve been rather interested in Tara Browne had it not been for the fact Tara was Paul’s friend, a friend who was very attractive, and artsy and bisexual, and Paul really seemed to dig him [though I do not believe Paul held any deeper feelings for Tara, as much as Tara might’ve had a crush on Paul]-- which had John feeling threatened and his jealousy/possessiveness shot through the bloody rooftops, as we know. Tara was to John as Stu was to Paul. 

I don’t know, you may be right. 

I personally believe John leaned more towards men specifically because he just seemed to enjoy, was happier, and was much more comfortable their company, friendship, the bond, more than women, but despite being gay or in a same-sex relationship wasn’t illegal in the UK anymore in 1967 [oh what a year] it was still easier to be with women than men, openly anyway.

Just because something becomes legal doesn’t mean culture and society are really on track with it, if you get what I mean. 

But anyway, yeah, I could see it, him being more attracted to “male beauty,” more than “female beauty,” if he were to lean more towards men in his bisexuality. I don’t know.

Anyway there’s my answer, it’s non-coherent, I’m sorry lol

Clearly John couldn’t officially be with the person he wanted to be with though, who was a man, because of issues and reasons we can only begin to assume and possibly pinpoint. Nobody can hold a candle to Paul, he is a bloody Adonis, and I’m sure John would’ve agreed, begrudgingly or partly jokingly. That and John’s soulmate.

I’m 100% they fooled about, and like 85%-90% positive they fucked. 

[pastelbatfandoms]

The Vk’s: Gods and Pirates

A/N: Idk when I’ll be writing up Chapter 3 but I had this scene stuck in My head last night and had to write this up. Esme is My Original Character and is The Daughter of Esmeralda and Quasimodo. This takes place sometime after Hades and Megs break up and she starts dating Harry Hook. 

I also wrote an Original song for My Fic. entitled ‘You lost Her’ and is a mix between D3′s “Do what you gotta do.” and D2′s “Space Between.” 

Gif above made by me!

Chapter 4-Bittersweet Symphony

After Hades kicked out Meghana,for Maleficent,Meghana didn’t really have anywhere to go,until she stumbled onto A place called The Voodoo Arcade. You would have thought all the time that Meghana had spent on The Isle she would have known about this,but Meghana usually spent time with Hades,time that was spent mainly in his underground Cave like Home,Unless it was classes at The Dragon Hall,Meghana very seldom ventured out alone. And this was a place Hades never went,or never took her at least. 

Meghana had heard about an unknown building that needed a special knock to get in though. {This Must be it.} Meghana thought to herself,but then sighed in defeat. She would never be able to get in if that was the case. And aside from sneaking into The Dragon Hall to sleep,something she didn’t advise given all the Villainous Teachers that where there,Meghana had no other place to go,Maleficent had too far of a reach and was friends with many of The Villains on The Isle,there was no way she’d be accepted into Even Ursula’s Fish and Chips Pub at this point,at least Meghana assumed not. 

Tired,Hungry and defeated,Meghana sat on the steps to the entrance,hoping someone would eventually come out.  Lo and behold someone did open The large caged door,none other than Dr. Facilier himself. He took one look at Meghana,invited her in and the rest was history. 

It was this very same Arcade,her Home away from Home,that Meghana sat looking around at all the bright blinking lights of The Carnival and Arcade Games as well as The Giant Sign above the opening of The Buildings Entrance, years later. Meghana was so deep in thought that she didn’t noticed when Celia, Youngest Daughter of Dr Facilier,sat down next to Meghana. 

“Dollar for your thoughts?” Celia smirked,holding out her Tarot Cards. 

Meghana looked over at The Young Black Girl who had become one of her closest Friends,almost like a Sister as Dr Facilier had become like a Father to her. She smirked back. “Okay I’m game.” Meghana meant it in a joking manner,but she should have known not to joke about Tarot or The Occult in front of Celia,who took her readings seriously. 

“Hey unlike These Games.” Celia gestured to the Arcade. “Tarot is not one of them.” Celia finished,quirking an eyebrow. 

“Believe me Celia,out of everyone,I know.” Meghana reminded her. “DemiGod remember.”   

“Oh yeah.” Celia shrugged,then raised her eyebrows at Meghana. “Also I wasn’t kidding about The Dollar.” She said holding out her hand towards Meghana and gesturing for The Money. 

“isn’‘t it Penny for your thoughts?” Meghana replied. 

Celia gave her a look,under her mass of curly brown hair. “This is The Isle,and I don’t do Penny’s.” 

Meghana grinned and deposited a Crisp Dollar bill from her jacket. “Like Father like Daughter.” Meghana said with fondness.

“Better believe it.” Celia replied proudly,as Meghana deposited the money into Celia’s open palm. 

Celia put the money away then laid out her Tarot Cards,The Backs of the cards were awash in color and intricate designs with little Voodoo skulls on the tops,at the table they were sitting at. Celia then grabbed 3 cards from the deck and threw them into the air, her powers making them glow green then land on the table in a row in front of them. 

“Past,Present and Future.” Celia stated pointing at them one at a time,as she closed her eyes and focused. 

Meghana was serious then as she watched Celia turn one over. Betrayal was written on the card in script,a staff with a green stone atop it shown before it was disintegrated by Celia’s magic. 

“Well that no doubt represents yourself and Hades.” Celia tells her. 

“And that Evil Witch Maleficent.” Grumbled Meghana with a sour look. 

Before Celia could lift the second card,they heard a female voice as Dr Facilier greeted a young Romani Beauty with a bow and kiss on her hand.  Celia and Meghana both looked up as Esme Quintessa,Daughter of Esmeralda and Quasimodo of Notre Dame Paris,walked confidently into The Arcade. 

Esme’s Charm washed over everyone as was her power,just like her Mother who would then steal you blind,Esme smiled flirtatiously back at Dr.Facilier,then walked over to greet her oldest Friend at The Isle. 

“Meggie!” Esme called Meghana cutely as she went to hug her and give her a kiss on the cheek. 

“Esme?!” What are you doing here? I thought you were still on Auradon.” Meghana proclaimed surprised but happy to see her Best Friend. 

“I am. But I missed you and we had a break so I decided to come for a visit.” Esme explained. Esme grew up on The Isle where she met Meghana,her Mother stole from the wrong person *ahem* The Beast, and was banished to The Isle along with Quasi who had terrorized the town after Esmerelda’s Banishment. After some consideration,thanks to Belle and The Core 4,King Adam let their Daughter Esme attend Auradon Prep. 

Meghana noticed Esme looked different now,not as understated and her once Dark Curly mop of long thick hair was now in soft waves framing her face. 

Celia didn’t looked overjoyed but it wasn’t Esme’s presence she didn’t like,it was the effect she had on everyone around her,especially males,in particular her own Father. “Dad. Gross,she’s practically My age...” Celia muttered in disgust. Eyeing her Father as he stared after Esme. 

Esme eyed Dr Facilier as well but not in disgust as she replied with a wink. “Hey I’m almost 18.” 

Dr Facilier looked down then,his face red as he straightened and cleared his throat. “Ahem. Well I’ll just leave you ladies to your business.”  With a tip of his top hat he quickly walked off. 

Esme watched him leave,letting out a small laugh. “Celia I think your Dad needs a Girlfriend.” 

Celia rolled her eyes. “Not you.” Celia gave her a warning look,with a point of her finger. 

Esme gave her an innocent look. “What?” Meghana laughed at Celia’s look,as Esme ruffled Celia’s hair affectionately. “Kidding. I’m not interested in your Father like that,silly.” 

“Then don’t encourage him.”Celia muttered under her breath,but gave Esme a small genuine smile in return. Then turned back to Meghana. “Okay like My Dad said can we get back to business please?” 

“What business? A reading?” Esme asked as she sat on the edge of the wall. crossing her legs. 

At their nods Esme continues, “For Meggie so it’s about...” Esme stares at Meghana squinting her eyes as she tries to read her.  “Hades.” Esme finishes,confident she’s right.  

“How did you?” Meghana looks at her in surprise then shakes her head. “Nevermind. you are both too much.” Meghana gestures between Celia and Esme as they exchanged looks,more alike than at first glance.

“It’s pretty obvious even if I wasn’t reading you. “You “complain” about Hades and Maleficent so much I’m surprised Harry isn’t sick of it.” Esme stated,making air quotes at the word complain. 

“He’s used to hearing Uma complain about Mal. and I don’t-” Meghana starts to defend herself but Esme puts up a hand to stop her.  “You do.”

Celia nods in agreement.  

“You two have some unfinished business,that you need to sort out. Right Celia?” Esme looks over at The young Louisiana Fortune Teller. 

Celia pulls the second card in the reading and presents it. “The Cards never lie.” It showed a man with blue hair and a grey robe. 

At Meghana’s unsure look,Esme got up and walked over to her, gesturing for Meghana to stand. “Hey I know I’ve been gone awhile but it’s obvious you're still broken up over how things ended between you two.” 

“But it’s been-” 

Esme interrupted Meghana once again before she could talk herself out of it. “16 years. I know but being Gods I have a feeling that’s just a flash in the pan for you. You need to go talk to him.” Esme told her,looking Meghana in the eyes,as if reading her thoughts Esme continued,”We’ll deal with Harry if he shows up. Don’t worry.” 

“Easier said than done.”  Meghana sighed brushing a strand of lavender hair out of her eyes. “Ok fine. I’ll go see him.” Celia takes her hand reassuringly. “ You got this.” Celia grabs the last card with her free hand,the card still face down and places it into the inside of her jacket. “For safe keeping,You don’t need to know your future yet.” 

Meghana gave her a smile letting go of Celia’s hand then giving the girls a warning look said. “DON’T tell Harry.” 

“Our lips are sealed.” Esme told her. 

“What about Dizzy?” Celia asks. referring to lady Tremaine’s Granddaughter and the second youngest in there group of Friends. 

“Only If she asks.” Meghana starts to walk out when Celia calls after her. “You forgot the key!”

Meghana deposits a large intricate Key from her pocket. Dangling it out for them to see. “ I got my own.” With a smirk and a wave of her fingers at her friends,Meghana walks out of The Arcade and out into the late afternoon rain. Heading towards The Underground. 

Meghana took a deep breath as she turned the key into the lock of the large cage doors that read Get Out in large metal strips across the front. Meghana heard the bark of Cerberus,Hades Giant 3 headed Dog,but knowing that Cerberus was one still in The Underworld and two that the bark was just a recording,didn’t bat an eye as she walked into The Underground Mine that Hades,and herself once upon a time,currently called home. 

Meghana ignored the slow bike positioned on the tracks,knowing she could walk faster to her destination. When she finally reached the uneven stairs though,Meghana hesitated. {What if he doesn’t want to see me.} Meghana brushed the thought aside and quietly walked down the steps. 

Yes Meghana wanted,or needed rather,to talk to Hades but she was prepared to take her time and if he was asleep she didn’t want to wake him. The sound of those barking Dogs were driving her mad though,so she slowly lifted the needle off of the record player,careful not to scratch it. 

Meghana looked around then and spotted Hades where she’d knew he’d be,Celia being his errand girl had told her he liked to take naps in the afternoon that and “He’s always asking about you.”  

Sure enough Hades was asleep in his favorite chair with the fur blankets layed over it,one of his legs draped over the arm rest,and one arm dangling over the back. 

Before she knew what she was doing Meghana had walked slowly behind him,gazing at his sleeping form,sunglasses still on,then she noticed his Blue stone ember sitting on the table beside him. {I wonder if it would still work for me.} Meghana went to touch it but stopped when she heard a sleepy voice say. “I know you’re here.” 

Meghana’s heart hammered in her chest,butterflies doing somersaults in her stomach,as she kneeled to look at Hades,fully awake now with his head resting on the armchair facing her. 

Hades removed his sunglasses and wiggled his fingers at her. Meghana wasn’t scared just nervous,he still had that affect on her,as they searched each other face. “Hi.” Meghana managed to say quietly.

After a beat Hades asked. “So long time no see Megs. Now WHY are you here?” 

Meghana finally got up the courage to speak. “I just wanted to talk.” 

Hades scoffed at that,smirking and stood up. “16 years and now you want to talk.” 

Meghana stood up as well,talking to him even though he wasn’t facing her. “I should be the one angry not you. You’re not the one who gave up everything and then was discarded like I was nothing!” 

Hades whirled on her then,if his hair could still light up it’d be Orange by now. “I have made My sacrifices,I gave up My Godhood for you. and I made my mistakes...” 

“So being with me was a mistake now?” Meghana asked in a challenging tone,crossing her arms. 

Hades anger seemed to simmer down,as he looked away. “No letting you go was.” 

Meghana’s own anger dissipated as she stared at Hades who was now looking at her with sadness and regret in his blue eyes. 

“ I hated myself for falling for that witch and abandoning you like that. I never once stopped thinking about you.” Hades admitted,self loathing lacing his words. 

“ Then why didn’t you come see me before now?” Meghana asked.

“Why didn’t you? Celia and Her Dad said you had moved on,I didn’t want to get in the way,as much as I really wanted to just steal you away. I didn’t want you to hate me,any more then you already do.” Hades looked down in sadness,an all too common feeling as of late. 

This was not The God that Meghana knew,apart of her wondered if it was all an act. She wanted to believe him but he was right,she was still hurt. {Only one way to find out.} Meghana thought to herself and after a beat she started to sing. 

Meghana- I didn’t know what you were going through,I thought that you were fine,you hid it so well.

Hades- I was a god now I’m nothing,I lost everything when I lost you.

Meghana- You didn’t lose me,you left me. Abandoned me like I was nothing. All for the Sorceress Supreme,That old bat. Maybe My Father was right.

Hades- I was bewitched. Intoxicated by the power I no longer had. I never forgot you,that’s why I left her. Left My Daughter. Just for you.

Meghana-You’re a little too late,I’ve moved on. I won’t fall for you again.

Hades- With who? That Pirate Boy? He’s not a God,he can’t give you what I can.

Meghana- And what would that be? Hurt,Betrayal,Embarrassment. That the once Queen of a God,was now pushed out to live on the streets. if it weren’t for Uma and Harry I’d be nowhere right now.

Hades- You’re resilient remember? didn’t my betrayal make you stronger? aren’t you more powerful because of it.

Meghana- Would you like to see how much?

Hades-  Darling You can’t kill a God

Meghana- No but I can hurt one

Hades- Already happened sweetness. I still looked after you in secret once again,I steal Souls Dear,what were you expecting Flowers?

Meghana-you’re right,what was I expecting? Maybe some decency,from the one  I thought loved me.

Hades- I did.

Meghana- Nah you only loved My powers.

Hades- Oh little Demi Goddess how wrong you are. I didn’t risk everything,just to use you for your powers,just to make them dark like mine is. Don’t forget who gave it to you. ;)

Meghana- Yeah you gave me everything,then left me with nothing! But hey you did what you had to do.

Hades- How does it feel? C’mon let it out.

Meghana- Don’t patronize me,because I’m more powerful up there then you are down here,now just a would be God.

Hades- Oooh. Now who’s hiding,you don’t need to remind me,at least I’m not pretending. Hiding away My feelings.

Meghana- What Feelings? you don’t have any for me. I don’t need a fallen lord when I’ve got a Pirate King!

Hades- Are you sure about that? You can act like this meant nothing,but I still remember,everything…

Meghana- Nuhu Not this time. You lost me.

Hades- I still miss you…

Meghana-  Too bad. You lost me

Hades- I still want you…

Meghana- I don’t…I can’t.

Hades- We can,And I still love you.

Meghana- Well I can’t love you, you’ll just leave me

Hades- I won’t leave you again

Meghana- You already have, Mmmm you lost me…

Hades: You can Heal me

Meghana- You’ll just burn me

Hades-I still need you

Meghana- But You still lost her,oh you lost her…. 

After the song ended they stayed with their heads close together,foreheads touching,eyes closed for what seemed like forever. Until finally Meghana was the one to pull away first. 

“I should go” Meghana said quietly.

“Or you could stay.” Hades whispered back,his eyes searching hers. 

But Meghana dashed any hope they had. “I can’t. Harry-”

Hades interrupted Meghana’s reply with a wave of his hand but gave her a sad smile. “I get it. Megs I am-” 

It was Meghana’s turn to interrupt Hades.”I know. Me too.” With one last look and a touch of hands,Meghana turned and walked away. Leaving The God of The Underworld alone with his Demons. 

A/N: I wanted to write Harry into this chapter as well,but it got too long. I will be doing Harry’s POV in the next chapter! It’s turning into a love triangle,which wasn’t my intention but the story writes itself. 

Part 5

[hazinhoodies]

Mal En Point (part ix)

Koh!Harrison x Angel!Reader

A/N: Hello! it’s here! idk why my parts are so short recently but uhhh idk.

Warnings: talk of death, angst, 

Word count: 922

“Shes dead, your majesty”

“What do you mean she’s dead?” Harrison’s voiced was somewhere between fear, confusion, and worry, on the verge of cracking but he didn’t care. His wife was dead.

“The hounds. They attacked her” 

“Why?” It felt like tunnel vision. Nothing existed or mattered outside of what this guard was telling him.

“We’re not sure, your majesty. We couldn’t hold them back. I’m very sorry” The guard, Amaros, spoke slowly, his breath finally regulated.

“Sorry doesn’t bring her back, now does it?” Harrison stormed off, Harry following in close tow.

“Uh your highness don’t you think-” Harry started.

“Go away, Harry. Do something useful”

“I would argue that comforting you after your wife’s untimely death is useful” Harrison stopped in his tracks, turning to Harry.

“Quite frankly, I don’t care what you think” Harrison spat the words, “Go do something else, I’m sure there are a billion things that should be done” He turned around and headed further down the hall, taking the stairs at the end all the way down.

Harry wasn’t sure whether he truly meant what he’d said. They’d grown up as best friends and he knew the sudden change in tone between them was awkward for Harrison. It was for him too, but he was taught to treat a King as a King, and Harrison being King doesn’t change that.

He’d be damned if he ended up like his brother.

Tom was jealous of Harrison. Only Tom and Harrison didn’t know it, but there’s no doubt that that’s what it was. Tom had always wanted power, always dreamt of being King as a child, though that would never happen. It wasn’t his bloodline. Frederick and Dom had thought that the two of them growing up together would make things easier as King and right hand. It had for them.

Oh, how they couldn’t be more wrong.

They got along when they were young, yes. Couldn’t have been better friends. The pair might as well have been attached at the hip, they were so close. But after Harrison was coronated, things changed. Harrison had tried to keep them the same, the same close relationship that they had always had, but after so long of trying to maintain it, with no help from Tom, he stopped trying. He gave up on the friendship. Tom was jealous -no, envious- of Harrison.

Tom was envious, bitter, upset, everything he hadn’t been before. As Harry walked by Toms room, he thought he heard quiet sobs through the heavy doors. He should’ve knocked, but decided against it, he’d never seen his brother so dishevelled. Tears ran down Tom’s cheeks. To say Hary was shocked in an understatement. Demons don’t cry.

--

“I’m back” Harrison spoke as he took a seat on the ground in front of you. You groaned internally, this was going to be a conversation, You weren’t sure you had the energy for it but replied anyway. Your father had raised you to be respectful, not that hat helped much while you were down here. Nor did it help with the guilt that came with trying to be banished

“I see that” You cringed slightly at the way your voice sounded; raw, broken, and tired. All of which you felt you were as well. Harrison remained silent for a moment, he started at his hands as he fiddled with his fingers.

“My wife is dead” He didn’t look up. You took a moment longer to look at him, try and get a sense of what he was feeling. It took more energy than you would have liked.

“And yet you don’t grieve”

That made him look up at you. His brows were furrowed, a frown on his lips, but still conveyed nothing but confusion. “That’s not true” Something about his tone made him sound childlike, “She was my wife, I loved her. And some hounds just decide to rip her apart? They’re supposed to protect the King. I don’t think killing his wife is exactly a good way to do that”

“You’re upset, but not grieving. Not the same way others would for their dead love” You weren’t sure where you pulled this energy from, but you knew you shouldn’t be exerting it like you are.

Harrison paused for a moment longer, contemplating. “Explain, angel”

So you did. You explained how for most, a dead wife would be the end of everything for them. To lose someone they care so deeply about. It may be slightly different from angels and humans but that most creatures react the same way. How someone else may have isolated themselves, but the first thing he did was come talk to you about it.

The sudden burst of energy was running out as you were talking. You found yourself fading in and out of consciousness. You stopped in the middle of sentences to pause and regain some energy to finish what you were saying. After around the third time, Harrison spoke before you could carry on.

“Angel, do you want to die?” Harrison questioned. It seemed innocent enough, posed the same way someone would ask what was for dinner.

You shook your head, no. “I’ve come to accept it” Truthfully you didn’t want to die, but it was bound to happen. Even angels don’t live forever. You leaned your head against the wall and closed your eyes. You vaguely remember Harrison standing up and shouting at the guards before you slipped out once more.

“I don’t care what you have to do, just save her”

tags:

mep

@tonystark-mcu @hollandroos @bi-writes @lovelyh0lland @wazzupmrstark @thirsty-hoes-central @deleteidentity @buckystolemyheart @awesomeaugustina @agirlwithpointlessideas @youngandfleeting @writing-in-winter

haz

@summernykole​ @hjosterfield​ @imagines-andshizz​ @thequeensardine​ @mellifluous-tom​ @osterfieldholland01​ @happymagicbee​ @artemisiaarm​ @sincerelymlg​ @butithasntkilledyouyet​ @headsup-itsmostlypeter​ @bitchymathematician​ @starlightfound​ @spideyyypeter​ @ixchel-9275​ @honeyyhuggs​ @nedthegay​ @empressdreams​ @ohyouremymedicine​ @awkwardfangirl2014​ @isabellyduh​

[jaylos]

Rant - Rise of the Isle of the Lost

(alternative title: i read rise of the isle of the lost so you don’t have to)

first off i’m probably biased but if you got something out of my opinions in the past then maybe you’ll find this interesting as well.

there are spoilers, obviously, but if you ask me, you really don’t have to read the book, save your money. (i put a short summary under the cut so you know what’s going on)

i’m gonna be honest this turned more into “i’m picking this book apart” than just a rant lmao. i blame the excessive amount of cinemasins i’ve been watching over the past few days.

and be warned - this is gonna be LONG and not very nice.

~summary if you haven’t read the book~ Arabella (Ariel’s niece) snatched the trident to fuck around, causes a storm, and loses it in the ocean. Waves carry it through the barrier to isle territory, because the barrier is penetrable for a short amount of time due to Arabella’s magic fuckery i think.

Uma hears a rumor that the trident is here, but she has no way to get to it before someone else finds it.

Captain Hook hosts a race where everyone can enter with anything that can swim, the price is a pirate ship. Uma wins the race and now has a ship and a pirate crew consisting of Harry, Gil and a few others.

Through Sophie (Yen Sid’s apprentice) they learn that Ursula’s golden seashell necklace is on the Isle of the Doomed (where Maleficent’s castle is) and they sail there to find it, because there’s enough magic left in it to guide them to the trident or something.

They find the trident but then Mal&Co show up.

While all this is happening Arabella tells the rotten four that she lost the trident, and through the magic mirror they find out where it is, and that a lot of people on the isle of the lost are looking for it, so they set out to find it first. FGM catches them as they try to steal a boat that belongs to Ben’s family, but Ben shows up to convince FGM that it was fine. The five of them then drive the boat to the barrier, where Mal pokes a hole and calls the trident to her, just as Uma is about to get her hands on it, overpowering Uma.

There’s also a sideplot where Ben goes to the great wall of China with Lonnie to solve a conflict between two villages but this is all totally irrelevant.

~end of summary~

and just to get this out of the way - don’t give me that “it’s a book for children” bs. just because it’s for a younger demographic doesn’t mean it can’t be good.

ok let’s start with the things i liked:

- Lonnie has a sword (which is a clear sign of lesbianism)

- Jane wants to do magic and she wants to help people fairy godmother style. i love this because 1. it gives her more personality and 2. it’s exactly how i imagined her lmao.

- Mal uses magic despite the magic ban.

- i like Gil, he’s kinda cute. and Harry too, and the dynamic between him and Uma and Gil. (ot3 anyone?)

now to the cons:

- Harry has this obsession with his hook (which he has to hold in his hand cause he still has both hands) which i find interesting, it has so much angst potential but i already know i’m gonna have to write a fic about that myself cause it’s gonna be hella disappointing in the movie because either 1. it’s not talked about at all or 2. it’s only good for a joke or two. (”oh no! my hook!” cue sitcom laugh track)

- the use of the word “guyliner”

- CJ is Harry’s younger sister, Harriet is his older sister. the gastons twins are gil’s brothers. Melissa de la Cruz *grasping at straws*: conSisTEnCy

- speaking of consistency, the anti-heroes club isn’t mentioned once, in case you were wondering.

- there’s another school besides dragon hall on the isle, it’s called Serpent Prep. like, i know there are characters (mostly Uma) who appear now for the first time without being mentioned before, ever. i can forgive that. but making up a whole new school just adds to the confusion of how big the isle actually is, and it’s also completely redundant.  this world just feels like a car accident where more cars keep crashing into the wrecks that are already blocking the street.

- carlos being in favor of the magic ban. what. remember how he was a slave for the better part of his life? “people should learn to live without magic” suck my toe (i made another post about what i think of the magic ban here)

- idk if this is on melissa de la cruz or what but the writing is just. not good. the sentences are boring, the use of adverbs is weird, the characters are shallow, the worldbuilding is.. idk how to describe it. it’s like when you look at the window of a shop and it looks nice, but when you enter it’s empty. or like a cardboard facade.

- all the characters do and say the things that are most obvious for them, but nothing beyond that. there’s no life in the characters and the world doesn’t draw you in.

- also the pacing is awful. in my first reading session i read about a third but it felt like nothing had happened. there’s so much setting up (and most of it is boring, it feels like every character just appears for their mandatory line but it has no relevance) and i’m just waiting for the plot.

- janelos. if you’re a janelos shipper than good for you, but i’m not and i’m salty. they could have such a great platonic relationship, why why why does it have to be romantic? (don’t bother, i already know the answer) they had a scene together, which was kinda sweet (through my platonic goggles), but “her laugh is cute” is not fucking enough to make a romantic relationship believable. 

their entire romantic relationship is built on “he was a boy, she was a girl” and nothing else.

- also devie. i’m pretty indifferent to this ship in general but the way it’s portrayed is so lackluster, like. doug shows up (for no other reason than showing up at least once in this book), is called evie’s boyfriend and that’s kinda it. we didn’t see how they got together, we don’t see what their relationship is like (except doug sorta putting evie on a pedestal), it’s just.. kinda there. wow. so much feeling.

there’s so much time wasted on meaningless worldbuilding that there’s no time left for giving life to the characters and their relationships. (actually there would be time, the book is not that long)

- (safe for uma, harry and gil) this book doesn’t even try to get me to like the main characters and completely relies on the fact that i already know and like them from preceding works.

- there’s always a parallel plot with Ben going on in every book, which is.. not terrible, but especially in this one it’s very distracting from the main plot, besides, what he’s doing is rarely all that interesting.  he’s travelling with lonnie and they had a nice scene together but it ended before it got anywhere near interesting. (Lonnie was about to get character development but then it was about Ben the end)

- not that i dislike ben, or that i don’t care for what he’s doing, but his sideplot is kinda just there so that is already short book isn’t even shorter. in the last book it had at least something to do with what the others were doing, but this time it doesn’t have any significance to the main storyline whatsoever. imo they should’ve just cut the whole bit out and put this content somewhere else, idk, give him his own diary or something, but now it’s just annoyingly strewn throughout the actual story.

(edit: you know what nevermind, this whole plotline is bullshit i’m not even gonna go into it but they punch a whole into the great wall of china and i crave Death™)

- the room that is taken up by ben’s sideplot could’ve been used to elaborate the relationships between the characters, or the characters’ inner lives. this book does so much tell not show that everything feels flat. “they’re best friends, they’re boyfriend/girlfriend, they love each other very much” ya thanks for telling me but is anything gonna happen to back these statements up or

- there’s an entire page that’s basically a montage of the pirate crew repairing Uma’s ship and it’s hella redundant (just like 50% of the book tbh)

- somehow interesting scenes are left out and when the plot is picked up again it’s “this happened and now we’re somewhere else”.

- the other characters get a sideplot too, which would be nice except they all have like 1 character trait and it’s all pretty meaningless. plus, the chapters are all super short and jumping between plotlines all the damn time is annoying.

- new characters appear just to be a plot device. happened with freddie and maddie in book 2, happens now with Arabella in book 3. she’s the niece of Ariel, but we don’t know who her mother is (based on her being described as wearing purple i’m gonna guess it’s Alana) which is excuable because i guess you can’t expect the readers to know all the names of Ariel’s sisters, but it just adds to her being a throwaway character. $100 that Arabella won’t appear in dd2. 

- actually, going off on a tangent about maddie here, wasn’t her background story basically the same as uma’s? that she was a friend of Mal’s when they were little? whatever happened to her, guess well never know cause she’s never gonna appear again.

- new things are made up just for convenience, or idk maybe it’s supposed to flesh out the world but it all feels so disjointed and loveless.  the annual seaside festival (i think it’s called?) where king triton whips out the old trident to give Arabella an opportunity to lose the trident in the first place, the R.O.A.R. competiotion (i forgot what that’s short for too, but it’s a mix of parcour and fencing, whatever) just to give Jay some other purpose besides “is also there” instead of, idk, an actual personality and inner life (but the VK’s dealing with the aftermath of growing up on the Isle is probably too serious and scawy uwu) like idk it’s probably the same in a lot of other stories, but instead of giving life to this world it all feels meaningless (like 98% of wicked world tbh)

- Lonnie has an older brother who wants to launch a hiphop career, and his name is Li’l Shang, which is an absolute fucking joke and takes the cake for worst name in this franchise.

- Ursula’s golden seashell is on the isle because for some reason it didn’t make it to Auradon where it was supposed to be displayed at the museum. i get that they want to use what they can from disney movies but this is just bullshit. the seashell being on the isle makes no fucking sense whatsoever.

- the critical overuse of the word “swaggered”

- seriously it’s like de la cruz saw one of those “words to use instead of walked”- tumblr posts and picked two (swaggered and sauntered)

- almost halfway through, wondering if there’s gonna be a plot

the things in this story just sorta happen, there’s no real suspense curve.

- ok this is really subjective but “Lost Revenge” for a name for a ship is so unnecessarily edgy lmao

- i’m writing most of this stuff as i come across it and at this point i’m just groaning in agony. they just introduced a new character, Sophie, who is Yen Sid’s sorcerer’s intern. intern for sorcery. on the isle of the lost. sure. also, apparently yen sid brought her with him when he moved to the isle like???? i mean the people of auradon already didn’t give a shit about the children that were born on the isle, but they just let yen sid take a little girl with him??? what the fffffffff (also sophie is another throwaway character that will never appear again. i’m blaming this on the fact that there are approximately 462 different canons in this franchise and we don’t get the chance to get attatched to characters that only function as plot devices in whatever canon they appear in)

- a new character called Charlie is introduced as the village elder of Stone Village (china, next to the wall) and he’s only a few years older than ben. he’s the descendant of ??? (molly and arthur weasly, probably) (seriously this is a throwaway character if i’ve ever seen one)

- mal’s morals are inconsistent. she has no problem using her spellbook for minor inconveniences but doesn’t want to steal a boat because it’s not the auRaDOn wAy.

- evie scolding mal for using the spellbook too often because that way she’ll never learn to live without magic (yadda yadda) but she also does this when mal opens a gate with magic in order to get to the boat they are going to steal, even though the matter is pretty time-sensitive and they had no other way of getting around that gate. like i get the idea of “solving problems without magic”, but this was really not the time to play moralizer, evie.

- there’s a yacht club building and FGM is giving it a new coat of paint with her wand solving problems without magic eat my entire ass.

she keeps using her wand!!! what the fuck!!!!

- i’m not going to go into detail over this but everything falls into place so conveniently that there aren’t really any obstacles to overcome and every conflict is solved within a matter of sentences.

- there are small cliffhangers every 200 words because it keeps jumping between plotlines. before you even get the chance to get into one of the plotlines it’s over again and it takes ages for anything to move along cause the stories keep interrupting each other.

- i’m losing my fucking mind over here as we speak. FGM catches the rotten four trying to steal a boat and she seriously thinks sending them back to the isle is an appropriate punishment. this is absolutely ludicrous and completely disproportionate. “this is exactly what we feared when we let villains into Auradon” they! are! children! (i know technically they’re teens but this doesn’t change the fact that imprisoning them on the isle again is super fucking cruel) i can’t believe how terribly literally everything is handled in this goodforsaken fantasy world. (not to mention that this is an insult to the character of FGM)

- so it’s been established that Mal can turn back time and she uses it when Uma reaches the trident. mal turns back time, uma doesn’t have the trident yet. so far so good, right?

look, i know time travel stuff is always prone to plotholes, but this is just ridiculous. 1. when she first uses it she comes to the conclusion “those with villain blood appear to be immune”, because evie wasn’t affected by it. it works on uma (though she remembers reaching the trident but doesn’t understand what happened) and it’s not made clear how it actually affects someone with villain blood. the setup for this whole shtick was weak. idk if i explained that well enough but you can ask me if you want a more detailed explanation i still have salt left lmao. 2. through carlos we know the others felt it happending, but what about ben? they don’t explain it to him even though he should have no memory of mal turning back time. 3. this book had all the time in the world to make this universe’s rules of time travel a little more clear (like why did nothing happen to both uma’s row boat and the speedboat? do objects not get set back in time too?) 4. one rule was explained tho: “it only turns back time to the top of the hour, and only if it’s been less than fifteen minutes” so mal might only have turned back time for like 1 minute, which would explain why the boats remain in the same spot, but it doesn’t change the fact that everything conveniently falls into place again because it just so happens to be *just* the right time for it to work (meaning no more than 15 minutes after a full hour) which in turn makes me wonder why this “top of the hour” rule was established in the first place. they could’ve just left that bit out and this whole thing wouldn’t be another case of dumb luck for the protagonists. i guess i’ll just go fuck myself.

- ok safe for that time travelling bs the last third is actually a lot okay-er than the rest. there was a cool scene where harry fell down a hole and was scared an panicking. this and the whole pirate-crew-escapes-from-a-trap-filled-cave was the best part of the book imo.

- after the great showdown between uma and mal (where they’re not actually face to face due to the barrier and thick fog, which is kind of a cool way to safe their encounter for the movie, i’ll give them that) mal stumbles backwards when she caught the trident and accidentally knocks evie overboard, which is completely unnecessarily dramatic, because the climax is already over, and is just there to show once again how gay mal and evie are for each other, without actually delivering. same old. (there’s also a scene where evie looks at mal “with a fond smile” while she’s sleeping like come on. those two scenes contain more feeling than any interaction between ben and mal ever. and at the end there is an exchange between the two that literally, like word for word, draws parallels to an interaction between ben an mal like are you kidding me)

- Evie says several times that Mal shouldn’t use magic, which is not too out of character i guess, i mean Evie has enough baggage concerning magic that this is believable.

she did use her mirror a lot, which is clearly magic, but somehow this is different from mal solving a problem with her spellbook?? hypocritical much. and it kinda retcons on the whole setup of her not being comfortable with magic.

in the end she gives her mirror to the museum, but it wasn’t her idea. it would’ve tied in with her previous statements a lot better if she herself had been like “i should give up my mirror so i have consistent characterization”

- Audrey dumps Chad for reasons unknown. not that i care all that much about that ship (i do think it’s interesting tho) but idk is this just so the movie doesn’t have to explain why they aren’t together anymore? (would be kinda lazy) felt like it was just there for cheap laughs.

- i’m surprised Jay didn’t get an Obligatory Love Interest™ but actually i’m not surprised because none of the writers care about jay.

- you might remember R.O.A.R. (the fencing/sword fighting-parcour-clusterfuck-sport). so chad was the captain of the team and has practised sword fighting all his life, but jay manages to beat him after a total amount of? 3? or so hours of training? and immediately becomes the new captain? bull

- also jay is supposedly really good at parcour, right? but he needed to practise wall jumps cuz his technique was bad or something for some reason. why tho. isn’t parcour his forte and why did carlos make the team before jay did. like not saying he can’t do roar but come on.

honestly tho, i kinda set myself up for this. i mean i already didn’t like the second book but for some reason i thought this one was going to be different.

the writing, characterization, worldbuilding etc. is just really lazy to me, and tbh i think it just exists to squeeze more money out of this franchise.

other people with different expectations and lower standards for writing might enjoy this tho idk

[shiikadai-archive]

mal, objectivity & character development

So, I finally took it upon myself to read @lbardugo‘s The Grisha Trilogy. Initially, I thought I was reading just because I’d found her other duology, Six of Crows, to be an impeccable tale and that her other works just had to be worth reading. But a few of my reasons for reading also concerned some of the fandom’s perceptions of the series, namely: 

an overwhelming hatred of the ultimate love interest, mal 

the elevation of the relationship between alina and aleksander 

the veneration of the many women in the series (perhaps one thing that I can agree with the majority of the fandom on) 

I finished Ruin & Rising today, and I have to say that my thoughts about the conclusion of the series differ a lot with the majority of the fandom’s, especially in regards to those first two bullet points. While I certainly don’t find Mal’s actions in some parts of the series to be inexcusable, I’m a little confused by some of the accusations made against him, so I’m going to try to look at them objectively under the cut. 

Shadow and Bone

Mal and Alina are best friends; Alina is in love with Mal, though she’s never told him so. Some people complain that Mal is a dick for being with other girls beforehand, especially if (as he said in Ruin and Rising) he was in love with Alina all along, but for one thing, he also said that she was his best friend and he didn’t want to ruin the friendship they had. This is, most likely in the case that his feelings weren’t reciprocated. Ultimately, it’s true that he should have confessed if he loved her, but running along those lines, Alina didn’t confess either. The situation they’re in at that point can’t really be blamed on either of them, or if you want to look at it another way, it can be blamed on both of them. 

Mal’s first visit to the palace isn’t exactly pleasant. He hasn’t received any letters from Alina, because they’ve been intercepted, but he doesn’t know that, and he finds her dressed rather elegantly for a royal event while for the past few weeks, he’s been tracking a stag no one thinks exists. Initially, his anger is valid. However, on the flip side, once Alina explains herself, not to mention show that she’s absolutely overjoyed to see him, he really ought to tone it down and try to understand. His irritation is now misplaced, and Alina doesn’t deserve it. (Thankfully, he does apologize later.) 

I’ve also seen some people say that Mal is unable to protect Alina in the first book or so, and IDK, they may be exaggerating just because of how much they hate him. The fact of the matter is, though, that while he can hardly protect her initially, he does improve immensely in that area by the end of the series. 

Siege and Storm

This is probably the most problematic book for Mal, but I think it’s also important to note that because it’s the most problematic, it also makes for the center stage of Mal’s ultimate character development. 

Mal’s ego in this book is, well—small and sad. He seems easily tipped over if anyone so much as teases him about his lack of Grisha powers or his inability to keep a relationship with Alina, and that’s a frustrating thing to deal with. I honestly rolled my eyes too many times. 

Mal obviously has issues with Alina having held (and still holding) some sort of relationship with the Darkling, and the fact that he lashes out at her about it is incredibly insulting, not to mention counterproductive to the teamwork they ought to invest in if they want to beat the Darkling. 

I’ve seen some people criticize him for being happy on the ship (with Nikolai, once they escape), but while Alina certainly has her burdens, I think to a degree that she’s happy, too. Also, while Mal hasn’t exactly been walking in Alina’s shoes, he’s certainly experiences his own form of stress and pressure in the past few weeks of tracking the stag and trying to help Alina escape, so I don’t think it’s a crime for him to finally feel at ease for a while on the ship with Nikolai and the twins. 

Later on, though. . . Yikes. Mal’s reaction to Nikolai’s proposal is not warranted at all, and for two primary reasons, 1) he is in no place to accept or deny a proposal not involving him (even if it does “by extension”), and 2) if he really believes Alina loves him—and I think this is especially important, because we see that seed of doubt over her relationship with the Darkling really manifesting—he should trust her to refuse the proposal, which she does. Also, let’s not forget that he ought to understand why the proposal would be beneficial to the country. 

So like, obviously, Mal is reaching the height of insecurity by now. He’s afraid of what kind of person Alina’s power is turning her into (and rightfully so, though there is a better way to react to it, especially if she’s trying to use that power for good and not just for herself), he doesn’t know if Alina still harbors feelings for the Darkling or if there were feelings at all, and in front of him is someone more “worthy” of marrying Alina because of his status and the convenience of his proposal to the betterment of the country. These are all reasons any person would feel threatened, but like I said, there’s a way to react and a way not to react. 

Mal, of course, goes with the latter. He begins giving Alina the cold shoulder, acting only as a dutiful soldier rather than as the friend she needs, and so much to the point of Alina not feeling like she can tell him about the Darkling’s visits. In retrospect, I feel like Alina should have told him about these visions regardless, so that she could show him that he was a person worthy of her trust and confidence, but alas, she didn’t, and his reaction was anything but stellar. 

The scene where he tries to kiss her, only for her to flinch because of the Darkling’s presence in the vicinity, is a sad one, but also an important one, because it sets the final stage for the build up to the climax of what will begin Mal’s true character development. Mal is insulted that Alina won’t kiss him and jumps to some pretty drastic conclusions, only to respond with more cage fights with Grisha and a fling with Zoya, which, amazingly, he tries to defend when Alina catches him in the act. 

And this scene, to me, is so important. Because where Alina and Mal have barely talked before (or even if they have, very begrudgingly and to the point of minimal mutual understanding), this is the scene where it all comes out. The ugly truth of how Mal feels worthless and hates the situation he and Alina have been put into is finally laid out in its hellish glory, and Mal still isn’t convinced of Alina’s reasons for continuing to put the country and its people first. He’s still frustrated and struggling to grapple with the fact that his best friend holds the fate of the country in her hands, that she doesn’t have to turn to him for the help that she may have needed when they were naive and young. His ego is more prominent in this moment than any other, which makes it so ripe for the breaking in the event that follows. 

Some will argue that the fact that it took Alina’s near trampling to bring Mal to his senses is pathetic and good reason to hate on him. I think it’s rather the opposite—it’s the ultimate smashing of his ego, of the delusional reality that he’s tried to build for himself, and he needs it. It’s also what sets him so apart from the Darkling, because regardless of age, no level of devastation seems to be enough to shake Aleksander from his dark desires. He continues to plow on into the future he has built in his mind, regardless of the consequences. Mal, in contrast, clearly comes to his senses after this point and realizes that there is a bigger world that exists outside of himself and Alina, and that it is worth saving first. 

Of course, some may argue against this given the ending scene of S&S, where he chooses to save Alina from her suicide, and I guess that’s a valid point. But in the grand scheme of things, and given the ultimate end to the series, I think it’s rather minor. While he may prioritize Alina in this moment, he makes his rescue of her count by subsequently putting forth all of his efforts towards the Ravkan cause. 

As an extra, one thing I was really distraught about in regards to this whole mess is that we never see an apology from Mal for his behavior in the second half of Siege and Storm. I’m assuming it’s passed up under the guise of their being no time to dwell on the past given the situation, but I really feel like he needs to apologize for that and I’m hoping he does somewhere outside of the pages, maybe in Leigh’s mind. 

Ruin and Rising 

Mal is so wonderful in this book, to be honest. He’s finally come to terms with himself and realized his place in the plot to save the country, and though he may still be frustrated with the possibility that he and Alina will eventually be separated, he is now humble enough to swallow his ego and devote his time and effort to Alina and Nikolai’s cause. Some may say that the fact that he is frustrated at all is wrong, but that would be to say that he doesn’t have the right to be human, and I’m pretty sure that’s nonsensical. So long as he is no longer imposing these frustrations upon other people, I think it’s okay for him to have them and think about them every once in a while. 

Speaking of his frustrations, Mal’s relationship with Nikolai comes so far in this book, and it’s not even as a result of their interaction but rather as a result of Mal’s own growth. While he is still saddened by the possibility of Alina marrying Nikolai for the sake of the country, he no longer holds either of them accountable for the fact, nor views it as an absolutely abominable consequence of the war. He understands why it may have to happen, and because they are his friends and he loves them, he accepts that and helps in whatever way he can. 

I saw someone joke that there’s irony in Mal saying, “I am become a blade,” because he’s finally realized he’s a tool, but honestly, I think that’s one of the most defining moments of his characterization. From the beginning of the series to now, he’s evolved from someone who hated the life his country had given him and wanted an immediate out free of consequence, into someone who understands his worth and his potential contribution to the betterment of the very society that he despised. He sees that he may have a hand in making life better for the people like him, and he accepts his responsibility with humility and grace. 

He’s literally prepared to die if it saves the country. Where he once argued with Alina about not understanding why she was doing so much for a country that had done so little for her, he is now willing to put his life on the line because he knows that it may help. Some say this is because he finally has a way to feed his ego; I say it’s because there’s this thing called character development. 

On another note, there’s also the complaint that Mal persists in envisioning a normal life for Alina and holding her down from the power she possesses, but I think it’s important to note that while Alina certainly loves her power, there is also a part of her that despises the misery and pain and strife that constantly comes with it. She realizes by looking at the Darkling that so long as such a daunting power exists, there is only war to come with it. And enamored as she is by the power and the amplifiers, this fact always gnaws at her and is by no means a state of mind solely brought about by Mal. 

And yes, ultimately, she does lose her power, and a part of her does feel empty for it. Mal may not be able to compare in the same way, but a part of him feels empty, too—he died, for God’s sake, he literally fucking died because he believed in Alina and her ability to save the entire goddamn country, so, yes, he’s allowed to feel empty, too, even if not in the same way—and given their history, it’s poignant that they’re left to help each other in overcoming that. 

It’s possible that Alina could have made the Darkling a better man, but it’s also important to note that he might have made her a better monster in return. (Fact: this is an actual quote in the books.) Alina was the Darkling’s last connection to humanity, but in reverse, the Darkling was Alina’s one connection to obsessive and consuming power, which is why they wouldn’t have worked. If Baghra’s love for her son wasn’t enough to stop him from achieving his maniacal dreams, then who’s to say that Alina’s love would have been? She may have lived a life of eternally trying to convince him to do the right thing and in the process have exhausted herself; or, she could have been swept up in his visions of power and grandeur, and then no one would have been happy. Alina and the Darkling don’t work not because of a lack of love or empathy, but because of a lack of willingness to compromise or yield on the Darkling’s part. As much as Aleksander may come to actually love Alina, the relationship is physically one sided from the very beginning. 

In contrast, while Mal and Alina certainly face hurdles in their relationship, they ultimately come to a mutual understanding. They master balance where Alina and the Darkling do not. Mal comes to understand and accept Alina’s power, and even when it’s gone, he makes it clear that he will try to understand as much as possible why she feels empty without it. A normal, married life with Mal certainly isn’t something Alina envisions over the course of the war, but it is something she is content with by the end of it, because it entails peace of mind where there was none before. She may not be Queen, but she is still best friends with the King, with Tamar and Tolya, with Genya and Zoya and David, with Nadia and Adrik, with Misha. Alina comes to her own understanding of appreciating the life of the people who surround her, and while it doesn’t necessarily fill the hole she has in her heart, it does help to keep its presence at bay. It’s ironic, because the Darkling is part of the very reason for this—at the expense of his death and her Sun Summoning abilities, she understands the cost of obsession and power. So a life with Mal where they try to help each other work through their scars is something that she eventually finds comfort in, and that’s nothing if not fitting of a solid end to a story. 

Basically, Mal has done some shitty things in the first half of the series, but a lot of it is pivotal in building up to the break down of this very aspect of his character. His actions aren’t inexcusable, but his subsequent improvement and dedication to Alina as a savior and a person and a friend is admirable and indicative of the egotistical and insecure behavior that he has worked so hard to overcome. Alina, likewise, experiences her own growth over the course of the series and comes to terms with herself about what it is that she wants and needs, and how to balance the two, and that’s ultimately why she and Mal work.